You Can Survive Infidelity!

Why do people indulge in affairs outside marriage?

The cause of an extramarital affair whether sexual in character or simple infatuation with another person can generally be traced back to some unsatisfied emotional or physical need in a marriage. An extramarital affair is one of the three most serious issues affecting a marriage. It concerns breaking the most sacred of trusts between a couple. As a result, most marriages are not capable of surviving infidelity.

There are fundamentally 7 major reasons (or excuses) given by the offending spouse for indulging in an illicit affair. They are:

1. There is no joy or love left in our marriage.
2. I was taken advantage of in a moment of weakness.
3. My partner is always tired and has lost their appetite for sex.
4. Alcohol was the reason. I just lose all my inhibitions after a drink or two.
5. I have formed a new relationship with my ex.
6. Lack of intimacy at home because of frequent business trips away.
7. My partner suffers from a painful health condition and is unable to meet my needs for intimacy.

Some of the above may be irresolvable. However If both spouses have decided that they are resolute about surviving infidelity and really want to rescue their marital relationship   then consideration needs to be given to several factors, for example:

• If the innocent partner has had sexual relations with their marriage partner since the beginning of the affair, then it would be advisable to have a medical check to discover whether there are any health issues that require medical treatment. This is an issue that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is important from the point of view of determining whether there has been any possible transfer of some form of sexual disease to an innocent partner.
• The question of trust also needs to be given careful thought. Can I trust my partner again after what they have done to me and our family?
• Is it really doable for my spouse to break off the affair, or not to be tempted into another extramarital relationship again even if they have promised that they will remain faithful from now on?
• Careful thought needs to be given to involving a third party to provide suitable counseling to ensure that there is truly a determination on the part of both parties to make the marriage survive and that solutions and ground rules are firmly in place. It can be quite challenging for both the person who has been affected by their partner’s extramarital affair, and the guilty partner, to sort out all the problems associated with this serious matter on their own.

If you are the innocent party and are prepared to forgive your partner, and giving your marriage another go, there may very well be a distinct possibility of achieving this if:

• Your partner voluntarily came clean about the affair to you.
• They are open under questioning about it.
• They have told you that they are remorseful for having strayed.
• They have agreed to put a stop to all contact with the other party.
• They have agreed to undergo counseling.

An extramarital affair doesn’t have to mean the conclusion of a marriage if you both really have the desire and the will to mend your relationship then marriage reconciliation is wholly possible.